you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
