I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Randomize
