I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
time to smoke my breakfast
I checked into jail on foursquare
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
