i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
