I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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