just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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