My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
