Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
