I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
