yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i came on her dog
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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