Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
