It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
