So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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