To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
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WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
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The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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