dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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