forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
