I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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