Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
