easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
