4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm both gender and math confused
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