So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
