I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
