i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
