it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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