guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
