Got a toothbrush?
Plan B is the new Plan A
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
