Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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