I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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