I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
