Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
