Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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