Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
