I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
