yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
