We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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