Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
