so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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