Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
