i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
