chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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