I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
