I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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