Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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