worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
