I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
