Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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