Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
