The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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