i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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