Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
