The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
