Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
