I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
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i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
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I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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