I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Randomize
