All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
