ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
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my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
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It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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