I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
