his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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