Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize