Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
