Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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