I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
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