also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
