whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
