So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
