you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
