meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
