i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
