I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
