I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
