So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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