I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
