the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Randomize
