All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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