I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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