I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize