We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
40s are totally the cure
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
