The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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