Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
