thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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