I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
